"BEING AN ALLY"
Abuse can have both short and long term effects on life including: drop in grades; anxiety; inability to concentrate; lack of interest in future; depression; isolation; helplessness; substance abuse; unsafe sexual behaviors; eating disorders; STIs; illness; homicide; and suicide. Unfortunately, lack of awareness is a huge obstacle that many young women face when planning to leave an abusive relationship. If you or you believe that someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, it can be difficult to handle. The most important thing to remember is that the only person to blame for the violence is the abuser. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or an assault is in progress, dial 911 and report the incident to police, both on and off campus.
The biggest obstacles facing both teens and college-aged women are LACK OF AWARENESS! Around 67% of young women in a violent relationship never report the abuse. Many do not know the what, where and how’s about different options that are available to them if they want assistance in ending a relationship. We know the majority of victims do not report incidents to authorities. However, survivors often do talk to someone about their experiences. Most often it is to a friend or family member. Women are often turned away from loved ones when they are unable to make a choice that appears to be obvious and easy. For this reason, friends and family members of women in violent relationships need to be educated on ways to be a supportive to survivors of domestic and sexual violence and the dynamics of victim blaming attitudes.
If someone shares that they are in a violent relationship, these are a few helpful things to say:
Don’t be judgmental about their relationship choices, especially if they are not ready to end the relationship. Don’t minimize the abuse or the importance of the relationship. Help them to rebuild their self-confidence so that they can empower herself. It is important that you try not to take control of the situation, unless an emergency situation requires you to do so. Intervening can be dangerous for both the witness and survivor. Encourage the survivor to speak to parents and seek counseling at their high school or on/off campus. Let them know they are not alone and you are here to support them always. If you are not an experienced advocate, the best thing you can do is to educate them about available resources. Some other factors to consider when leaving a relationship include changing your daily schedule avoiding abuser, safety planning (e.g. numbers to call/places to go for safety, packing getaway bag), or keeping CPO (civil protection order) and emergency numbers with you at all times.
The biggest obstacles facing both teens and college-aged women are LACK OF AWARENESS! Around 67% of young women in a violent relationship never report the abuse. Many do not know the what, where and how’s about different options that are available to them if they want assistance in ending a relationship. We know the majority of victims do not report incidents to authorities. However, survivors often do talk to someone about their experiences. Most often it is to a friend or family member. Women are often turned away from loved ones when they are unable to make a choice that appears to be obvious and easy. For this reason, friends and family members of women in violent relationships need to be educated on ways to be a supportive to survivors of domestic and sexual violence and the dynamics of victim blaming attitudes.
If someone shares that they are in a violent relationship, these are a few helpful things to say:
- “I am glad you told me. This is important.”
- “You deserve to be treated well. This is not your fault.”
- “What would you like to do next?”
- “I am here for you whenever you need me.”
Don’t be judgmental about their relationship choices, especially if they are not ready to end the relationship. Don’t minimize the abuse or the importance of the relationship. Help them to rebuild their self-confidence so that they can empower herself. It is important that you try not to take control of the situation, unless an emergency situation requires you to do so. Intervening can be dangerous for both the witness and survivor. Encourage the survivor to speak to parents and seek counseling at their high school or on/off campus. Let them know they are not alone and you are here to support them always. If you are not an experienced advocate, the best thing you can do is to educate them about available resources. Some other factors to consider when leaving a relationship include changing your daily schedule avoiding abuser, safety planning (e.g. numbers to call/places to go for safety, packing getaway bag), or keeping CPO (civil protection order) and emergency numbers with you at all times.