Warning Signs
It can be difficult to tell the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship. No two relationships are the same. Behaviors occur at varying degrees, across a “relationship spectrum”. However, here are some common signs of abuse:
“Red Flags” help indicate that you or someone you know is in trouble:
Many domestic violence advocates use this “Power and Control Wheel” to help survivors recognize and identify for themselves an unhealthy relationship:
- Physically hurting you in any way(e.g. hitting, pushing, spitting or pulling hair)
- Constant put-downs
- Humiliating in public or private
- Checking your cell phone or email without permission
- Extreme jealousy or insecurity
- Starting rumors about you
- Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity
- Explosive temper/mood swings (e.g. yelling, screaming)
- Refusing to practice safe sex
- Possessiveness/isolating you from family or friends
- Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior
“Red Flags” help indicate that you or someone you know is in trouble:
- Unexplained cuts or bruises
- Problems in school
- Lack of interest in former activities
- Isolation from friends
- Little social contact with anyone but the dating partner
- Unexplained changes in weight, demeanor or appearance
Many domestic violence advocates use this “Power and Control Wheel” to help survivors recognize and identify for themselves an unhealthy relationship:
"POWER AND CONTROL" WHEEL
Domestic Violence is defined by a “pattern of behaviors”. Often, it takes survivors 7-9 times before they leave the relationship for good. This is known as the “Cycle of Violence”, pictured below:
"CYCLE OF VIOLENCE"
There are alarming, foreboding incidents that occur during the “Tension Building” phase. During this phase, a girl is often afraid because she knows that they relationship will soon enter the “Explosion/Fight” phase. She may feel pain, fear, despair and humiliation during this time. This is often where survivors will typically leave the relationship and/or seek help. Ending the relationship is the most dangerous time for survivors because abusers often act negatively against loss of control.
During the “Denial” phase, abusers minimize their actions and make excuses including blaming partner for the incident and promising to change. Survivors might begin to blame themselves which often causes the abuser to begin the “Honeymoon Phase”. During this phase, they will shower the survivor with love and vow never to repeat past wrongs. The partner, thus, feels hopeful and loved. Even if she wants to leave, most survivors also often have no place to go without a support system. This makes it harder for the survivor to leave and the cycle starts again. There are 3 ways in which this cycle ends: when the victim leaves, when the abuser seeks help, or when either the victim, abuser, or both are dead.
Giving survivors tools to identify harmful partnerships is necessary but showing what healthy relationships look like can help survivors not relapse or repeat unhealthy relationships. The “Equality Wheel” serves as a good model to help survivors distinguish between the two:
During the “Denial” phase, abusers minimize their actions and make excuses including blaming partner for the incident and promising to change. Survivors might begin to blame themselves which often causes the abuser to begin the “Honeymoon Phase”. During this phase, they will shower the survivor with love and vow never to repeat past wrongs. The partner, thus, feels hopeful and loved. Even if she wants to leave, most survivors also often have no place to go without a support system. This makes it harder for the survivor to leave and the cycle starts again. There are 3 ways in which this cycle ends: when the victim leaves, when the abuser seeks help, or when either the victim, abuser, or both are dead.
Giving survivors tools to identify harmful partnerships is necessary but showing what healthy relationships look like can help survivors not relapse or repeat unhealthy relationships. The “Equality Wheel” serves as a good model to help survivors distinguish between the two:
"EQUALITY" WHEEL